Best Movies of All Time + [Stanley Isaacs]

RAPTOR ISLAND

RAPTOR ISLAND2004
Not Rated (TV)


(I couldn't find an embeddable trailer, so the video is just an extended clip from the movie. You'll get the gist.)

Raptor Island is a 2004 made-for-TV movie directed by Stanley Isaacs that aired on the Sci-Fi channel. It follows a group of Navy SEALs, led by a man named Hacket (Lorenzo Lamas), who are chasing down a group of terrorists holding a special agent named Jamie (Hayley DuMond) hostage. The SEALs chase the terrorists to a remote island in the South Pacific which, they soon find out, is completely covered with living dinosaurs - most specifically velociraptors, but there is a random Carnotaurus walking around. I'd go more into the "details" of the "plot," but it would just be wasting our time.

The only reason I found this movie is because I had the sudden urge to watch a movie with dinosaurs in it. After a quick search, I found this one on NetFlix and jumped right to it. Basically, I got two birds with this one, getting my dinosaur fix while also receiving another entry into the "So Bad, It's Good" library. As previously referenced, the story (or lack thereof) is absolutely ridiculous. I mean, it makes sense (kinda), but it's so dumb that it wasn't even worth bearing repeating.

The acting is perfectly in line with the story: crap. Our two leads are slightly better than the rest of the cast, but they're pretty dreadful themselves, if that tells you anything about everybody else. I mean, I'm probably trashing this movie more than I should, considering its a TV movie made my the Sci-Fi channel, but it's so so bad that it's so so good. I was crying, I was laughing so hard. Some of the dialogue was absolutely horrible, and I have no idea how the actors managed to squeak it out without completely losing it.

And oh man, the special effects are easily the worst I've ever seen. I mean, the dinosaurs look like Jurassic Park rejects. When they get hit by bullets, the blood explodes out of them like little fireworks. It actually took half the movie before the dinosaurs had bullet-hole wounds. Oh, and the dinosaurs can apparently eat people nearly their size in a matter of seconds because, immediately after every single attack, there would only be some blood stains on the ground rather than a partially-eaten corpse. Just absolutely ridiculous.

Yes, I'm critiquing this movie much too harshly, but I just wanted to show how over-the-top it is. Raptor Island is a great bad movie that's worth watching every second because you'll be rolling with laughter. So give it a chance. Seriously.

Movie Review Summary:Grade: F
Current All-Time Rank: Worst - #37
0.5 Thumbs Up