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MEGA PIRANHA

MEGA PIRANHA

You can watch the trailer here

I've been in one of those "so bad, it's good" kind of moods (in case you hadn't noticed my previous post). I had known about Mega Piranha for a while but had put off actually watching it. I found myself with a little bit of time on my hands, so I figured, what the hell? I'll probably get a pretty good laugh out of it, ya know?

I'm just gonna be straight up: this movie is god-awful. I know that it's a Syfy Channel production, and it was never meant to be a piece of quality cinema, but you can at least end the film with a sense of closure. I could go on for days and days about everything that was wrong with this movie, from the storyline to the acting to the low-budget special effects. But I knew all that was coming before I even hit play. I'm sure I could go on and on about all the flaws with this film, from the acting to Eric Forsberg's direction. However, I did have two major issues with the film that stuck out more than the rest.

The first was the editing. It's not that too much or too little was taken out of the film - that's neither here nor there. It's just the segues between each scene were so choppy that I honestly felt like I was getting motion sickness. Scenes would flash by over and over again, and they would go by so rapidly that my eyes couldn't keep up. Also, the same scenes were used over and over again throughout the film, even if it made absolutely no sense whatsoever (i.e., a shot of the Amazon river when the piranha had already made it to the coast of Florida).

However, my biggest problem with the film was the logic of the ending. I'm usually not big on spoilers, but it's not like I'm ruining The Usual Suspects. The ultimate solution to rid the piranha infestation was to make one of the bleed, causing the rest to attack and kill the wounded piranha. In theory, it makes sense. However, there are probably hundreds of giant piranha swimming along the Florida coast in the film's climactic moments, yet they only manage to wound one piranha. This starts a feeding frenzy, and the soldiers and scientists consider this a job well done and return to base.

...seriously, WTF mate? What happens once they finish the wounded piranha? The scientists said they'd all just wipe each other out, but I'm pretty sure that's not how it works. I know I'm giving the Syfy Channel a lot more credit than they deserve, but that's basic logic. They're not just going to keep attacking each other once they finish the wounded piranha. They're gonna start bombarding Florida again. Honestly, every character in the movie deserved to die.

Like I said, I'm going way overboard with this because it really doesn't deserve my criticism. I was hoping for an enjoyably bad experience, but this one just turned out to be flat-out bad. I strongly recommend Piranha 3D which had a higher production value and an exponentially higher level of entertainment.

Movie Review Summary:
Grade: F
Current All-Time Rank: Worst - #5
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